Happy birthday, Mama!
It's my mom's birthday today. She would've been 82. She passed away 22 years ago, less than two months before her 60th birthday. I still celebrate her birthday every year. I even bought a cake today. That's the cake I bought in the photo. It's a Sticky Toffee Pudding cake. I love Sticky Toffee Pudding and I know she would've wanted me to get something that I liked. I wish I could share the cake with her. Scratch that. I wish I could share my life with her. But I'd be more than happy if I could for just share a cake with her once a year. I miss her so much. I miss her every single day.
I was cooking a traditional dish of Yogyakarta (the city my mom and I went for our last vacation together) for dinner. She'd spent some of her happiest years in that city. An old song from the 90's with the city as its title started playing in my head, and I started to bawl when it got to this part of the lyrics:
Walau kini kau telah tiada, tak kembali
(Even though you're now gone, never to come back)
Namun kotamu hadirkan senyummu, abadi
(But your city brings back your smile, eternally)
Izinkanlah aku untuk selalu pulang lagi
(Please allow me to always come back)
Bíla hati mulai sepi tanpa terobati
(Whenever my heart starts feeling uncurably lonely)
Yogyakarta is the only place in my home country that I'd love to go back to, but I know it wouldn't be the same without her. I'd probably end up crying throughout the visit. Doesn't sound like a fun vacation.